Memo from the Surf Desk: Drinking & Drowning

I'm not one to limit my libations. Drunk bastard? On occasion. But don't drag that shit into the surf. Last summer, maybe Memorial Day, I saw some asshole with a can of Coors in his claw - waiting for a wave. When he finished his Silver Bullshit, he tucked the can into the hood of his wetsuit and paddled pathetically. I shouldn't have been surprised. Summer sends them out. A parade of people. Fair weather wave riders. Kooks. But that's no excuse. Surfing is a sport. An activity that, as far as I am concerned, should be taken seriously. Sometimes.

Now I'm not promoting some kind of sober surfing society. Shit, have a can. But wait. Wait till your out of the water. Until you're having lunch, or sitting around the campfire. And don't drink a dozen. There's no need to be inebriated. Every time I see a sonofabitch out in the water, five cans of crap in their belly, I can't help but hope they go under. It would save them from a future full of clean-and-clear meetings, swollen hands and sour beer shits.

I know, I'm not supposed to say these sorts of things. But do I look like someone that gives a goddamn? And lets be honest, you don't wanna be in their way - that drunk bastard, dropping in, waving their arms around, losing their board. I'm just suggesting you take it a bit more seriously, this surfing stuff. Try to be better. Improve. It's not easy, and you'll suck if you don't surf sober. So stop treating it like a fraternity for drunk dipshits. Have a can of Coke, or whatever, and paddle out to surf, not puke.

Sincerely,

Duke Dangerpants

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Summer sends them out. A parade of people. Fair weather wave riders. Kooks. But that's no excuse. Surfing is a sport. An activity that, as far as I am concerned, should be taken seriously."

So I'm confused. I thought we were supposed to accept kooks, but now this blog is passing judgement on people who drink and surf? Or who prefer to ride in the nicer weather? And aren't you guys part of the "parade" as you call it? You aren't local by looking at the posts. And now surfing is a sport? I thought it was an activity like golf? Thats what was stated earlier in previous posts. Oh and other people in the line up are a@#holes???? Really? Paddled pathetically? More judgement?

So I guess when I see one of you non locals pull up to my home spot, I'll make sure I pass judgement on what you ride and the fact that you aren't as good as me.

Im not going to do that, I'm to busy paddling around you catching waves, minding my own business. You get my point. If you're going to write about surfing then do it. Have an opinion, but don't pass judgement on others if you don't want it coming back at you.

Duke Dangerpants said...

Lets not get all grumpy. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Even anonymous people. And I'm sure you're a real sweet surfer, but if you don't like what Duke say, maybe you should go away ;)

Jovie said...

@Anonymous-
It seems that the PBC does "accept kooks". Who said they have to like them? It's kind of like family, I accept them, doesn't mean I like all of them.

As for fair weather surfers, I don't think he's condemning those people, rather pointing out that typically the summer months bring numerous kooks to the lineup. If you care to disagree with him, maybe you have the luxury of surfing on the weekdays OR you don't get out enough.

That "drunk bastard" in the lineup- drink all the beer you want, but when I see you littering the beach w/beer cans because you insist on drinking in the surf. Or when you drop in on me because you're too drunk to catch a wave, I will call you an asshole. I see nothing wrong with that. Surfing is about the experience and if you want to ruin that experience for others or if you need to be drunk to enjoy the surf, I pity you.

Anonymous - I don't think it's fair to say that Duke represents the PBC, especially when he only posts on occasion. To me Duke seems like the kind of person who calls it like he sees it or maybe he exaggerates, pokes fun, just for the hell of it?

All in all, you seemingly took Duke seriously and somehow, in the process, became offended (which is funny).

Take a chill pill, go catch a wave, pass all the judgement you want, be a local, no one really cares. We're all out there together, surfing, some better than others. We think things, sometimes we say them, sometimes we don't, so what.

Kevin said...

Whaaaaaaaaa call the fun police, duke doodoopants. Surfing is such serious business

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